Last Call
(Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bottle)
I don't remember what was said
When I caught you two in bed
But now I sit here
Drinkin' shit beer
Chasin' Johnnie Walker Red
It's not the fact you wrecked my world
Or that you left me for a girl
But now supposin'
The bar is closin'
I've got no place left to curl
So barkeep, please don't shout last call
Or I might just end it all
Just keep it comin' with the alcohol
I never touched one drop with you
I knew it would upset you to
But now I slump here
Drinkin' skunk beer
Chasin' Johnnie Walker Blue
The more I drink, the more I see
I don't need you to comfort me
Through empty bottles
And beer goggles
I've got total clarity
Oh barkeep, please don't shout that call
Or I might just end it all
Just keep it flowin' with the alcohol
Oh, when tomorrow comes around
Where do you think that I'll be found?
I've had enough to kill a full-grown cow
Oh, when tomorrow comes around
I may be six feet underground
But I'll still have one more for now
I saw your face when dawn had cracked
You pled with me to take you back
I soaked the reverie in
When everythin'
Went Johnnie Walker Black
I'd just remembered what was said
But seeing your face had calmed my head
And I'd let bygones
Become bygones
If I could return again
Oh, when tomorrow comes around
Do you think that I'll be found?
I had enough to kill a full-grown cow
And when tomorrow comes around
Looks like I'll be six feet underground
Too bad I never had that final round
This was my last call for someone's aid
Now it's the last call for Heaven's train
If only you weren't too late
About the song
The kazoos, the video, the countless shots of Johnnie Walker brought to me onstage while playing... I knew it was gonna be a toe-tapper when I wrote it, but I never thought it would catch on the way it did. In fact, this is one of two songs I've written in my life that caused me to stop and think "This is way too catchy for me not to have ripped it off." Hooray that I didn't!
I was going to save this track solely for Diamond Days, but a friend saw me play it live while I was still writing Seconds, and demanded that I include it on there. The re-recording happened because I still wanted it on Diamond Days as part of the "storyline" or whatever, but also because I wanted a full band ensemble, and of course, I had this grand (some would call it mad) idea to throw in a mass kazoo breakdown. This might be my best lyrical work as far as rhyme scheme, recurring themes, and plot. And yes, I'm going to be stroking my ego in a few of these entries. *polishes nails on shirt*